If Only…

When the words “I do” flowed out of Kim June’s mouth, Park Chanyeol knew that his life was now connected to her.

He could finally see her captivating smile and entrancing gaze every single day now and gosh, he could see her beside her every morning.

That’s what he had ever wanted since middle-school. June was his first and last love, although she was rather hard-to-get, Chanyeol persevered until the end, making his only dream come true.

In another year, Chanyeol worked hard to get for themselves a new home, small but spacious and comfortable for the couple.

Park June resigned from her work since her husband was earning enough income for the both of them to spend their lives carefree.

After a couple of euphoric days and satisfied nights, they found out that a new person was about to occupy their small little house.

“Chan…You’re gonna be a dad.” June hugged him tightly as she tried to hold back her tears of joy. She was a rather inexpressive person, but at this moment, her inexpressiveness gave her away.

“And you’re gonna be a mom.” He chuckled and embraced her even tighter.

June buried her face in his chest, “I’m so happy, I can’t stop crying.” She chuckled.

“Then don’t.” He chuckled with her and kissed her head, slowly caressing it.

Days went by like passing wind and waves of blue-ish green ocean.

Sometimes June would sleep early before Chanyeol would get home since she would feel a bit weak and tired, and other times Chanyeol would come home excusing himself from work only to take special care of her wife.

However, even those days passed in a blink of an eye and the one thing Chanyeol cared to notice was that June was getting thinner and weaker by each day.

“You are eating well while I’m at work right?” Chanyeol asked, intertwining his hands with hers.

“Of course I am.”

“Then why are looking so weak? If you don’t eat, the baby’s going to be weak as well.”

“I know Park Chan, but I’m eating and believe me, a lot.”

“Hm…”

“What? Don’t get so worried my dear hubby, I’m alright, I’m just tired that’s all.”

“Well, that doesn’t look like ‘just tired’ to me..”

“You know what? If you want I will eat one whole chicken in front of you right now, maybe then you will believe how much I and our baby eat.”

Chanyeol laughed and kissed her forehead. “Let’s go to the doctor once for a check-up alright?”

“Uh..actually, I already went and she said I’m fine.”

“What?” Chanyeol let go of her, “You went without me to the doctor?”

“Well, yea-“

“How can you do such a risky thing June?” Chanyeol’s voice increased higher.

Confused by his sudden change of tone, June asked, “What do you mean risky? I wasn’t feeling well and you were busy so I thought I would go on my own-.”

“I was busy?! So what if I was busy? Didn’t I tell you to call me if you needed anything? June how can you be so reckless dammit?”

“Chan you’re getting hyper for no reason, calm down will you?”

“No June!” Chan’s anger made him jolt up from the couch, “How can I calm down? What if something would have happened to you when I was not there huh?”

“Nothing happened to me.” She tried to say it calmly, however, Chanyeol’s rage grew by the minute upon thinking the “What ifs” of his Wife and baby.

“Fortunately it didn’t but what if something did happen? You wish for me to live my life as a widower?”

“Chanyeol stop alright, nothing happened to me and nothing will so why don’t you just let go of this matter!”

“No June! I’m not going to let go of this! You acted on yourself and I’m not happy with it.”

Chanyeol was true on his part, while June thought she was right on hers.

Silence ambushed the abyss between them, and she could feel his vexation still lingering around him.

“Chan please”

“I need some time on my own.” He turned around from her and walked away to his room.

Closing the door loudly to show his umbrage, Chanyeol locked the door, slumped on his bed and closed his eyes.

“I did the right thing.” He thought. She was to know that she acted heedlessly because seriously, what if something did happen to her?

There would have been nothing Chanyeol could have done.

Just the thought of that sent shivers down his spine.

Right then, he heard a knock on his door.

“Chan…”

He sighed but didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry…”

She knocked again, and again and again but Chanyeol was too annoyed to open it.

The knocking subsided, and before he realized it, he had fallen asleep.

He woke up suddenly by a loud bang on his door.

“CHANYEOL YOU IN THERE?!”

A voice shouted.

“CHANYEOL!”

It was his mother-in-law.

Perplexed on what she was doing here so early in the morning, he walked towards the door and unlocked it.

“Umma what are you-?”

He saw tears streaming down her eyes uncontrollably.

“Why are you crying..? what happened..? He anxiously asked.

However, she couldn’t let out the words she wanted to say.

“Umma!” Chanyeol lightly shook her shoulders, “What happened? Why are you crying?”

“June..” She uttered breathlessly.

“June? What about her? Where is she?” He asked.

But her mom wouldn’t say anything, instead, she grabbed Chanyeol’s hand and dragged him downstairs.

“Umma where are you taking me?”

Wordlessly, she took him to the living room and pushed him towards the couch.

Chanyeol’s brows knitted in confusion of his mother stranger behavior, however soon his eyes stretched open, wide and in horror.

His wife was laid dead on the couch, throat slit in a perfect line.

The dry pool of blood had stained the leather and the rug.

Chanyeol fell on his knees, his heartbeat gradually slowing down, and the noises around him gradually fading into the distance.

Tears slipped down his burning, red eyes.

Slowly, he crawled towards his dead wife. Her body pale and cold, but instead he touches her stomach.

“Ba-by…” He mutters and cries more.

Quickly placing his ears near the abdomen, he tries to hear something, maybe a heartbeat or a little kick, but he doesn’t feel the baby at all.

“No…”

He looks at June, and then back at the swelled stomach.

“No..My baby…June…”

“No…please, no…” Hard tears, cold, sad tears fell on the bloody rug.

Chanyeol felt like he was going to die. He was going to die without them.

He can’t live anymore. Not without June, not without their baby.

Suddenly, he felt his body being lifted up by the cops who had arrived.

One of them was questioning his mother, and the other was trying to comfort him.

However, In Chanyeol’s blurred eyes, June’s body was being covered by white uniforms.

“NO! JUNE!” He tried to push the cop to reach her, to hold her hand, to tell her to wake up, that his husband was near him to take care of her, to apologize for last night but he dropped on his weak knees, his crying getting louder by the minute.

On November twenty-seven, Park June and their baby were no more.

Although she thought she could sleep without Chanyeol, she couldn’t.

She wanted her husband beside her no matter because…she sensed something ‘not right’, she was afraid for no reason and besides she wasn’t feeling well either.

At least just looking at Chanyeol while sleeping would keep her at peace, so she went to reconcile with him.

June knocked, “Chan…” She called out.

“I’m sorry…”

He didn’t respond to her, she tried turning the knob but he had locked the door.

Disappointed in herself, she turned around to leave, quickly thinking of ways to make up to Chanyeol.

They were many things she thought like, what breakfast she could make for him tomorrow morning, or maybe a candle light dinner that would intertwine their night into one, however in a blink of an eye, the world around her scattered into pieces.

She was falling, she fell.

June held her stomach tight, her baby had kicked once or twice.

Her eyes clouded like thunder clouds, and the ceiling above her darkened, her throat tightened, it became numb and she couldn’t call out for help.

Unconsciously she began knocking on Chanyeol’s door.

“Chanyeol help me!” was clearly indicated in her rapid knocks.

A hooded figure appeared in front of her with a bloody knife.

He shut her mouth with his greasy leather gloved hands and picked her up slowly and quietly.

He took her downstairs, “Sir…She’s pregnant..” Whispered the voice.

“What?”

“I didn’t know..”

“Damn…”

“What do we do?”

“Keep her on the couch and just grab whatever you find here before her husband comes down.”

“Yes, sir…”

“Ch-an-eo-l.” June tried talking, but there was no one to hear her constrained and agonizing voice.

Not moments after, her heart with the baby’s, stopped beating.

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